The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband.
The answer lies in breaking the emotional ties that keep you bound to these old habits, as outlined in the article below.
By Shelley Stile Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce.
Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together; therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument. The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact. If this is the case for you, know that you have not divorced on an emotional level. Somewhere inside of you, there is still an attachment of some sort to either your marriage or your ex.
Obviously the less you have to do with your ex after divorce the better.
That is not to say that you cannot have a relationship with your ex, but it has to be radically different from the one you had while married.
Take the analogy of going on a diet to lose weight.
You need to create an environment that will both motivate and move you towards your goal.
Within this framework, you are free to do the inner work of healing.
My ex and I had a fairly amicable divorce and we have managed to move out of each other's lives albeit for the children. In reading the book, Leaving Him Behind by Sandra Kahn, she mentioned something that set off a light for me.
Communicating and dealing with your ex after divorce is a given when you have children together.