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As author Chin Lu points out in her article , “Why do some men make the automatic assumptions that I am quiet, docile, great at domestic tasks, eager to please men, and my vagina is more magical than average? Go away.”Like the example provided in the image on the left, justifying your Asian fetish with “I just think Asian women are far more superior in looks and intelligence” is racist and sexist.[Am I] supposed to feel complimented when those people are attracted to me? The screenshot of You Tuber Anna Akana sums it up perfectly. Telling me you find me attractive because you find women of other races unattractive is not a compliment. In Shimizu’s article, The Hypersexuality of Race: Performing Asian/American Women on Screen and Scene, she says the sexuality of Asian women are often “framed in rivalry with a white women in terms of competing for idealized heterosexual femininity.” As an intersectional feminist, I will not tolerate anyone that thinks I should be flattered that I’m considered “superior” to people I stand beside, not against.And yes, I speak English so there’s no need for you to show off your limited Chinese by greeting me with “Ni Hao.” In fact, I prefer if you didn’t.

My point is I can possess a variety of traits that don’t conflict with my ethnicity.

When you frame a compliment under the umbrella of me being Asian, you diminish the value and sincerity of your words.

When you compartmentalize your compliment, you imply that I’m an exception in my race.

I can be pretty without being pretty and I can have a certain figure without it being considered deviant from my race.

I’ve had a handful of men not-so-subtlety drop the “Asian ex-girlfriend” card within the first few minutes of introducing themselves.

When you bring this tidbit of information into the conversation, I never quite know how to respond.

While it’s not something I get offended about, it can be irritating when I’m forced to play a round of “Let’s Guess Your Ethnicity! You’re not and I don’t know how to deal with that.” She goes on to clarify that being ignorant doesn’t mean you aren’t a kind person with good intentions; it simply means some of the things you say can be “pretty annoying” when heard by racialized individuals over and over again.

In all honesty, it’s emotionally draining having to go, “Well actually, what you said to me offensive…” and challenge your deep-rooted beliefs about who you think I am.

When you bring your ex’s race into the conversation without prior context, it makes you appear heartbroken and desperate for an Asian girlfriend replacement — a role I have zero interest in filling.

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