I’ve read “The Rules” (both the original and updated) a few times. I’ve broken every single one of The Rules at times. The women feel like they have no choice but to be proactive, invite the guys over, flaunt what they got, and make sure they are noticed and remembered. And then there are the Southern women who just call it common sense. In my mid-singles ward there is a consistent 3:1 ratio. Three beautiful and talented women for every single man. Plain and simple, it can feel like a competition to get the attention of the good guys and get a date.She plans outings for all of her friends, it’s just her thing. In her mind there are mixed messages all over the place. If he’s shy and needs a nudge, he will still do it, it just might take him longer.
I want to explain a Mormon belief that is central to our beliefs that is responsible for just about every dating decision we make. Eternal marriage means that Mormons believe that if we are married with proper Priesthood authority (in a Mormon temple) then God will honor our marriage not just on earth, but also after we die and are in Heaven.
So the whole point of the rules above are to help Mormons to keep from disobeying God’s commandments about morality and sex, so that when they decide to marry later on in life, they can marry for eternity.
In my current ward we have about 400 people attending on an average Sunday.
With 5 Sunday School classes, an overflowing sacrament meeting, 2 Relief Societies, and 2 Elders Quorums, it can feel like an Olympic event just to find your best friend to sit with.
I’m bias, but I find most Mormons are very cheerful people who care about others.
First, we’ll talk about the rules, but then we’ll get into the more important things that will help you understand where they are coming from.
This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Together, they cited information from 12 references.
There are so many people in our ward it can feel like Where’s Waldo in there week after week. Girl invites Guy over for dinner with her roommate and a few friends.
So when The Rules suggest that a woman should never instigate a conversation, or angle herself into the seat beside his, invite him over first, etc., it might seem like a really bad strategy. I’ve been a Rules Girl, and I’ve been the anti-Rules Girl. (It’s possible she only ever planned the dinner just for this reason.) Every Sunday she makes it a point to talk to him, sit near but not too close to him, and repeats the same at family home evening, and Institute during the week.
And I can’t help but wonder, if Mormon girls in singles wards changed their approach, and followed The Rules, would there be more dating and relationships?