In other words, create a baseline according to perceive them: “Oh, he’s a guy, he wants to go in his cave, I really don’t want to bother him, let him be free etc.” Now you’re calling him every other day — say, Mon, Wed, Fri (Scenario B). And if they aren’t compatible with his needs, maybe you shouldn’t be together anyway.Now if you call him on a Thursday, he’s going to notice a deviation from baseline and wonder what’s up. A man will only love you for who really are, not who you’re pretending to be.I think it’s partially my fault, since following your advice, I got out and dated more than one guy at the beginning and did not call the guys but generally waited for them to call (new concept for me and it actually worked, thanks! Eventually he rose to the top and we started dating exclusively and I continued to let him initiate most of the calls but now I don’t know if he’s gotten ‘settled in’, but when I don’t see him, he doesn’t call that often.
Jill’s letter astutely observes another principle: there is a developmental arc to the frequency of contact and who’s initiating it. So here are some quick guidelines on getting your guy on the line: 1) Early on, let call you first.
In the early stages of courtship, you want to let yourself be pursued.
I really appreciate your advice and have listened to your CD over and over again.
I also followed your Tao of Dating principles, which was beyond enlightening for me, as it turned the tables and made me responsible for doing my own housework and trying to be the goddess and I still think ‘What would a goddess do?
Anyway your help would be greatly appreciated :)) Goodness gracious, Jill!
You’re lucky I’m not a lawyer, ’cause then I would have had to charge you 2.83 just for reading this. ‘MAM’, perhaps — it stands for ‘musing and mulling’.Human beings are phenomenally good at noticing deviations from a baseline.So as soon as you’re in an established intimate relationship, decide how often you want to speak to him, and establish that as a baseline.Sure, you’ll prime the pump with a hair flip and provocative look, a quick text or email, but he has to come to you.2) In a relationship, train your man by setting expectations.And I do call occasionally and it’s always a good conversation so maybe I’m blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but I feel like if he doesn’t call that maybe he’s not thinking about me, or that a boyfriend ‘should’ call more because he wants to, but I know not to get into ‘should’ thinking!! 1) Should I just call him more if I want to talk and not worry about it seeming aggressive or overbearing cuz I am his girlfriend anyway and not one that would call 5 times a day anyway, we’re talking once every couple days or 2) should I should just suck it up and continue to not call him that much, knowing guys need their space and their cave and try not to let past insecurities get in my way but just continue to be the goddess and enjoy what I do have with this great guy or 3) can I just talk to him about this without sounding needy?