While I would never advise anyone against dating a woman with kids, it’s important to take inventory of the challenges that can come with that situation.Take a look below for 12 cons of dating a woman with kids.But the freedom to get totally wild and make mistakes isn’t really an option for parents.
“You and your partner can design the relationship you have with the kids based on what you both want; there’s not a set rulebook you have to follow,” Dr. What is important, she notes, is communicating early on so that you create your own rulebook together. She reiterates that because parents play such varying roles in their kids’ lives—with some being more active and present than others, depending on the kids’ age and custody arrangements—there isn’t one specific type of lifestyle that has to become “your lifestyle” if you decide to move forward with the relationship, but it is something to be aware of. Is there another parent in the picture, and what is the dynamic like? O’Reilly says it’s worth it to think about navigating that relationship as well.
“Be mindful and know that if two parents are in the picture, that other person has been there from the beginning and you have not,” she says.
While, yes, dating someone with kids can be complicated, sex and relationship expert Jessica O’Reilly, Ph D says that not only can it work, it can lead to a vastly fulfilling relationship.
(Just ask Luke and Lorelai.) That said, there are a few factors to think about that you otherwise wouldn’t have to. O’Reilly shares insight on what to know (and what to discuss with your potential partner) before pursuing a full-on relationship with someone who has children. How involved are they with their kids, and much do they want you to be involved, too?
O’Reilly says it’s important to ask how big of a role your potential partner is expecting you to play in their kids’ lives. O’Reilly says to consider before jumping into a relationship with someone with kids is if you are both envisioning the same type of future.
“Do they expect you to take on an active parenting role? Do they want to date casually and not have you in [their kids’] lives at all? O’Reilly says it’s important that both people are on the same page early on so no conflicts around the expectations arise later, when feelings are deeper and more complicated. “If you are someone who wants to travel and never live in the same place, but the person you’re thinking of dating wants to be close-by for his kids, that’s something to consider,” she says.
You have to face the reality that her kids might not warm up to you at first, and they may warm up to you.
You can’t predict that situation until you’re in it.
“That means you have to take into account that they will likely be in the picture as well and you have to be able to have reasonable discussions.” If you decide to move forward with the relationship, figuring out when you should meet the kids is bound to be something on your mind.
“This is going to vary from couple to couple, but it really depends on the relationship the parent has with the kids and how old the kids are,” Dr. “To me, it’s more important for the parent to be honest with the kids than when the person they’re dating meets them,” she says. O’Reilly says that kids—of all ages—are intuitive and smart; they don’t like being tricked or lied to.
She is going to be bonded for life with this person because of her children, which means you will also have to deal with whatever curveballs that guy throws, without ever having the luxury of him being completely out of the picture.