Other responses were the inability to think or talk about the deceased wife and to avoid every family event reproducing memories of deceased wife.The widower had difficulty defining himself after the death of his wife and difficulty making decisions.
Several reported that though they made an effort to be functional in their jobs, much time was spent thinking about their spouse.
However, they reported that being at work was better than being at home.
He put a big front for the family, for his parents and my mom's family. Widowers cried at funerals and when talking about their wives.
As soon as the funeral was over, he was left alone. Children knew their fathers were crying in private, often at night, thinking no one would notice.
They found this emotion to be nearly all-consuming when not with family or work colleagues.
One adult child commented about her father: After my mother passed away, he was very shut down, almost dark and extremely depressed. Participants discussed the demonstration of grief through crying.
Playing computer games required little concentration and helped ward off loneliness.
Maintaining a regular work schedule or a calendar of anticipated events helps to maintain normality and some excitement in one's life.
Widowers and children also reported feeling the presence of deceased wives/mothers as they made funeral arrangements and made personal and family life decisions. Eleven of the 14 widowers were still working at the time of their wife's death.
Six of these men returned to work almost immediately.
Emotions associated with their losses were expressed in isolation.