“That will scare you into never dating again,” she told me.
Of course, plenty of widows meet a great “chapter two” (widow parlance for a love after loss) and are able to move on to a new relationship.
“Please tell me it’s okay to find someone,” I said to no one in particular. I was widowed at 38 and had plenty of dating years ahead of me.
The problem was that I didn’t know anything about the modern world of dating I faced.
She was under the impression that Los Angeles is one of America’s “Best Cities for Singles.”“But between dark basement beers during my last month in Washington,” she writes, “my friends presented me a phantasmagoria of single life in L. Not everyone is inclined to navigate three freeways for the chance to get laid, stone sober.
A.: It looked like skeletal Asian models pair-bonding with balding producers over low-calorie cocktails.”Guess what? And Los Angeles lacks an urban center where young, single people congregate–they live everywhere. I receive thousands of emails a year from women all over the world, and they all seem to agree on one thing: dating is hard.
I cried as I deleted the last profile, though I didn’t know if it was from relief or something else. “I know he’s out in the universe cheering me on,” I said to a friend later that night. Before we started dating, Shawn was my friend, and he used to offer me dating advice.
I wonder what he’d say about my tragic forays into the dating world.I was at the cemetery when I decided to set up my first online dating profile.I was visiting my husband’s grave nine months after his death, and I thought about how much life I still had left to live.If the roles were reversed, and I was a non-widowed single person dating a widower, I’m sure I’d feel a degree of insecurity about my partner’s attachment to his late wife.But the other option — to leave Shawn behind forever — is not something I’m going to choose. A few days after setting up my online profiles, I decided to take them down. I wasn’t quite sure why I felt this way, only that I was pretty sure I couldn’t communicate the wholeness of my experience in just a few sentences and a handful of photos.Neither Shawn nor I wanted to separate, and I certainly didn’t want him to die in my arms at age 40.