The course of these processes is set in the early years of life by the quality of the attachment bond that is established then.Divorce is a reality that profoundly affects the lives of each family member. Peter Haiman © 2007 This article was published in New Beginings, a publication of La Leche League International, 1994.
Nevertheless, if severe problems are to be minimized, adults must give the well-being of their child importance and consideration.
The child from birth to six is by nature vulnerable.
Parental conflict can hinder children’s adjustment and good co-parenting skills are very important to a child's adjustment.
Most parents who have a difficult relationship with their ex-spouse but who want to co-parent start out with "parallel parenting." In this arrangement, each parent assumes total responsibility for the children during the time they are together; there is no expectation of flexibility and little contact with the other parent.
First, it is important to ensure that the child has continuous and ready access to the parent with whom the child has developed an emotional attachment. Studies by Ainsworth and Bell (1970), Yarrow (1963), David and Appell (1969), Isabella and Belsky (1991), and others, point out patterns of behavior that build a child's secure attachment to a primary caregiver.
These are: 1) loving physical contact between the adult and child; 2) the caregiver's regular ability to soothe the child by holding; 3) the caregiver's sensitivity to the child's signals and the ability to time interventions in harmony with the child's rhythms; 4) the mutual delight that the adult and child have by being in each other's company; and 5) creating an environment that permits the child to derive a sense of the consequences of his/her own actions.
Probably none is more destructive to all concerned than the fight for custody and/or visitation rights.
Father and mother often lock horns in a bitter struggle to determine the conditions under which they can spend time with their children.
Attorneys and judges enter the arena to offer their partisan advice and pronounce their judgments.