” If the only problem is that she’s stable and kind, get out out of your own way and let the relationship happen until feeling good in a relationship becomes the norm and feeling bad becomes the rare exception.
If so, when you have the opportunity to date a kind and stable woman, the dynamic probably feels “off” to you.
A former client described it as “missing that old crazy chemistry;” he had the crazy part right.
The “crazy chemistry” is just your unconscious recognizing the opportunity to have yet another go on the Crazy scary-go-round.
Part of the healing process involve having an emotionally corrective experience, but you’re not going to get it with a woman who has the same or similar traits as the last abusive one. When you meet a woman you find physically attractive and smart and don’t feel an initial flush of excitement, give her a chance.
This article will discuss a similar concept: Crazy-proofing. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been involved with a high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered or just plain crazy woman at least once already.
This puts you at risk to become involved with this type of woman again. Yalom, MD, explains that insight alone is not sufficient to create change.Knowing you’re attracted to Crazy isn’t enough to end your unhealthy relationship pattern. Insight only gets you into the “vestibule” of change. Do you believe it’s your job to cater to a woman’s every need? Do you believe it’s your job to make your partner happy? Do you believe it’s important to keep the peace at all costs?In order to break your unhealthy attractions and relationship patterns, you need to combine your new found insight with real life action, gain more self-awareness about your own relationship beliefs, fears and behaviors and start making different choices. Crazy-proofing is what every man or woman should do after ending a relationship with an abusive partner. If you answered “yes” to these questions, you probably have some thinking errors regarding what constitutes healthy adult relationships.The only way to have an emotionally corrective experience is with a kind, healthy and stable woman who is capable of love. Don’t start looking for excuses why you shouldn’t date her.Instead, ask yourself why you wouldn’t want to date her.Remind yourself that healthy women who want to be in relationships don’t play games, jerk you around and create obstacles to being with them nor do they pressure you to let them move in with you after the first date.