Never sit at home idle, waiting for him to call you. A man who truly loves you for who you are will also want the absolute best for you, which means growth. But that’s a lifelong journey you embrace together as a team of trusting, loving partners.
It’s not something you work out in your early twenties, late twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, or heavenlies.
If my experience serves me correctly, however, your memory of that command will probably be inversely proportional to the hotness of your potential date. Placing marriage-esque commitment expectations on yourself or your date will just set you both up for an ER’s worth of emotional damage. Here’s what you’ll typically hear from someone claiming to be “in the friendzone.”, not what he or she is not.
I fully identified the long-term strengths, weaknesses, upsides, and downsides of all my closest friends within the first hour of meeting them. Dating is only as serious as you make it, or as fun as you allow it to be. This is the inescapable, platonic box to which a girl supposedly designates any good guy who actually cares about her. This can go both ways, but it seems most prevalent for guys.
They key to not being a dumb dater on the heartbreak fast track is to keep the level of intimacy in the relationship one step behind the level of trust at all times. We’re mortified of having sex before marriage and terrified of not getting any after. It is a highly beneficial and enjoyable part of what makes you… If you’re approaching sex, sexual temptation, or your personal sex drive with fear, you are actually giving it power. It’s on nearly every dating advice blog I’ve ever read.
In other words, you don’t just give your heart away. You don’t need to marry someone to learn from them and grow from your experiences with them. What’s the underlying fear that results in all this dating tomfoolery? is liking a roaring lion, seeking whom it may devour. Seriously ladies, I don’t know how you put up with it. Dress nicely in a way that accentuates your best features…
And like I mentioned in point #2, if you have your eye on a prize, don’t be afraid to intentionally attract him or straight-up pursue.
I’m simply trying to free you from an arbitrary, contradicting checklist that falsely promises to land you “a good Christian guy.”Is someone making burgers, ’cause I’m about to roast a sacred cow. ”What people seem to be forgetting is that you’ll learn 91.342% of everything you ever know during marriage. You’re marrying her because her current decision-making suggests a long-term value for character.
If you use the phrase, “Don’t marry her for her potential,” in a discussion, it’s considered pro-level wisdom. You’re marrying him because his unflinching honesty thus far suggests a lifetime of honesty and vulnerability in your relationship. A good choice today doesn’t solidify a good choice tomorrow. Women have a tendency to date “fixer uppers” in order to feel needed.
You’re marrying her because her heart posture has the potential to sustain a 60 year marriage. What we really should be focusing on are the qualities that indicate good long-term potential. Guys tend to overlook obvious deficiencies because… But neither of these issues are properly addressed by saying, “Don’t marry for potential.”Even if someone is a master of being single, marriage introduces a fat new batch of troubles (aka “growth opportunities”) to work out. You have an entire life ahead of you, so yes, it’s okay to marry someone for their potential to partner with you in living that life healthily and successfully.
When we truly understand our place as sons and daughters of God, we aren’t bound by superficial rules.