One day this realization hit me like a ton of bricks while I was obsessing over the failure of my latest relationship.To stop feeling terrible and get off this emotional roller coaster for good, I realized I had a choice.I could let myself off the hook and let the dating experiences just be what they were instead of tying my ego to them.
Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling; then repeating the process over and over is enough to make you want to give up for good.
The ups and downs in this cycle can make you feel like you are unbalanced and have whiplash.
Several times during my dating experiences, I had to shut down my various online dating profiles for a few months and lick my wounds. It often became necessary to stop everything and reflect on why dating experiences had been such abysmal failures. I went on so many dates that I was testing different outfits, different responses to texts, different time frames for everything. I certainly could have won an award for persistence, but why did it still feel like not only were there great people out there, but they were behind some kind of sturdy glass wall?
It takes a lot of determination and/or masochism to keep putting yourself out there when Mr. Without fail, I would eventually put my rose colored glasses back on and try again, inspired by a friend meeting someone new or it being the absolute depths of winter.
Will I lock eyes with him at the library while I’m researching just how relationships actually work? I see you’re clutching every book on love ever written.
I find that super intriguing, want to go get a drink? After a while, it’s easy to feel like starting your collection of cats and totally giving up on the idea of ever meeting the right person.
“I am flawed.” “If I spill my guts to someone else, they will run.” “I can’t be vulnerable.” “I’m not enough.” “I’m going to die alone.” “If I commit I will be trapped.” And on and on. When you hear yourself repeating any of these negative statements, say, “stop” and replace the thought with a positive affirmation.
I like to use “I am whole, I am love,” but use a positive statement about your worth that resonates with you.
I could either continue to view my dating experiences as abysmal failures that reflected poorly upon my self-worth and keep letting my self-esteem circle the drain.