But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? One is learning the rules; the other has "been there, dated that" and wonders, "Now what? Instead of trying to be 25 again, get comfortable in your skin. That way, when someone touches you, they'll really feel you, and not a bundle of self-critical tension.
Confront your fears You're never too old to find love, but that's not a message gay men hear very often. After years of "working on ourselves" and fighting social prejudice to gain self-esteem, many of us struggle to keep it. The gay community's — OK, let's get real, mostly the gay male community's — ageism. Who'd want you when there's some 30-year-old hottie turning everyone's heads at the gym? Focus instead on being your best self, no matter what your age.
"Within the gay community, negative stereotypes reinforce the belief that gay relationships are based solely on physical attraction, and that once youth starts to fade, we are unlikely to have any real or lasting relationships," says Rik Isensee, author of Are You Ready? And remember that the most important characteristics — loyalty, humor, intelligence and compassion — are ageless.
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Or you're miserable because there's no prospect on the horizon. Don't settle for anything less than chemistry, shared values/lifestyle/goals, trust, and a growing and abiding friendship.
Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness?
Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you're a gay man. But don't let that be your excuse for sitting home on Saturday night watching reruns of The Golden Girls.