Author and success coach Rebecca Perkins gives the lowdown on dating in midlife. Yet, after the ending of a 20-year marriage, I picked up the pieces, licked my wounds and decided that I did want to date again however weird and uncomfortable it might feel to do so in the beginning.
When we said our wedding vows or made our commitments to our partners we never imagined that one day we’d be facing separation and divorce. Here’s what I learned and I share it with you because I remember what it felt like to feel awkward, unsure, and frankly terrified!
Although it might be tempting to lick your wounds with positive attention from another, this distraction can actually inhibit you from the healing work that is necessary to move forward in a healthy way with someone in the future." "If the 'why' is to avoid painful feelings like hurt, anger, or loneliness, then it may be helpful to take some time to heal before jumping back into dating," says Jaclyn Friedenthal, Psy. "If the 'why' is because you have taken time to heal, you now to date, and you're willing to feel all the emotions involved in dating again, then it’s a good sign that you're ready.
Dating requires a certain amount of vulnerability, tolerance of uncertainty, and willingness to feel a range of emotions in the hopes of making positive new connections and relationships.""You don’t have to enter into a date assuming you’ll get married," says Amy Morin, LCSW, author of .
But more importantly, you want to find someone who shares your values, and who will like you for who you are.
You don't have to dive head-first into intense one-on-ones.
"Another big mistake is comparing a new person to their ex, or thinking that if they correct the things their previous spouse complained about, then this new person will be happy.
A 'first' relationship post-divorce can last, provided the person has learned about themselves and their part in the ending of their marriage." Don't be misleading about yourself, your life, or your interests (or kids! Eventually, the truth will come out, and you don't want to have wasted your time or efforts.
But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way.
So how can you make post-divorce dating — whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man — less daunting?
And make sure you know about all the scams that target online daters.