His other social media profiles are really private. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours.
As I’ve said many times before, it is in your best interest to remain single until a man steps up to enthusiastically, clearly and sincerely propose a committed relationship with you.
Now to keep that in perspective, I also say it’s in your best interest to do and be everything you can in order to make the kind of men you desire to really to commit to you. When both people really want a great relationship, the relationship feels effortless.
You get a text that seems like it was meant for someone else. If he doesn't have a job, it's understandable that he won't want to lead with that, but if he won't even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot. It's another if he freaks out at the prospect of you being within a 20-mile radius of his home. You shouldn't be one to judge a book by its cover, obviously, but if he's actively trying to deceive people, that says a lot about his personality. If he talks to you constantly but doesn't meet up, or have social media profiles, or ever want to video chat ... Start doing reverse image searches (and don't forget to flip the image in case he's doing the same thing to throw you off the scent).
Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically. But if he's describing himself as an "entrepreneur" and refuses to get more detailed or refers to his job situation as "complicated" instead of being up front, that should be a red flag. It's one thing if he's being a gentleman and doesn't want you to make a long drive out to see him. Either he has low self-esteem, doesn't care about pictures, or that picture is not at all indicative of him.
in which case, I would interpret that as a not-yes and assume that you are definitely NOT exclusive and assume he is indeed acting accordingly…) If he says yes, I would go on to say: “OK, good, that’s what I thought. we live in a time where everyone can see everything that’s going on online with people.
Something in me made me curious and I looked at your Match profile and saw you’d logged on recently after we said we’d be exclusive. I’m not here to ‘catch you’ or worry about what you may or may not be up to…
That is not to say that no effort goes into the relationship – my statement is that the work that the relationship takes doesn’t feel like effort… a meaningful contribution to something worthy, fulfilling and great.
People are so quick to snap up something half-hearted and then try to make that half-hearted relationship into something more.
How clear was his side of the agreement to being committed?
I am asking because I don’t know if this agreement is assumed on your part or if he explicitly said, “Yes, you and I are exclusive…” or, better yet, “I want to be exclusive with you.” I’ll explain why I bring that up in a moment, but at any rate I agree with you that checking his dating profile seems out of step with having an exclusive relationship with you…
Life is complicated and the heart wants what the heart wants. “When I saw this, it just doesn’t line up with someone who wants to be 100% exclusive. “Life is to short to spend our time, energy and youth on something that isn’t spectacular. I’m fine with either and if you don’t want that, we can part ways as friends – sincerely, no hard feelings.