We might feel like there’s the expectation that we have to change or be something we’re not.The best relationships allow us to be our true selves.
A man who asks you to ask the waitress for another soda for him?
I’ve dated the “modern man” and let me just say, it left a LOT to be desired.
(You can learn more about the secrets to a happy relationship that no one ever taught you in our book, “The Heart of the Fight.”) Two of these rules really come into play in this situation: As we work through what happened, we have to own both what we brought into the relationship and the times when we held back. Did we express the things we truly wanted and fully jump in? Sometimes we reach the point in our relationship when things start to get serious.
Many of us may experience a tendency to pull back a little or balk at the thought of being “reined in.” Once we’re in a relationship, we might feel we’re losing freedom or even a part of ourselves.
However, if mind games are being played, or both parties happen to have a stubborn streak, the lack of texts on the day after the first date might not indicate the success of the date at all. You start googling things like “after first date texting rules” and “should a girl text a guy first.” You read a Reddit thread like this one and realize maybe you were in the wrong because you never texted to make sure he got home safe and now you just look like a bitch. This makes it even more difficult to decipher if he’s just really busy or just not that into you. Was it because you mentioned you like British comedy? After 72 hours of spiteful, frustrated venting about this jerk that you barely even enjoyed hanging out with, you light up at the first sight of his text and all hope is renewed.
The pre-existing pattern to base the potential between you two might not matter. Though I’m very much an independent, career-oriented, “modern woman,” I still have very traditional views on dating and courtship… In the end, how it all plays out is as simple as this: It was a great date; you felt chemistry and lust, but he did not. Unfortunately, now you’re left wondering how soon you should text your response… The best relationships are great because they bring out the best traits and strengths in both parties. If you find some genuine incongruences, then they need to be addressed.If you find you’re scared of committing to a relationship, you might need to explore what’s not being met within that union. Are you listening to your limiting beliefs, such as, “I’m not the relationship type,” or “I don’t do well when I’m committed to one person”? If you’ve had the hard conversations and expressed the things you want out of life and you’re still holding back, maybe you need to examine if you’re clinging to preconceived notions of what a relationship is (restrictive, holding you down) and let go of those beliefs if you find them to be untrue. As much of a control freak as I may be, I truly desire a PARTNER. Someone who knows what he wants and works hard to attain it. An unemployed man who is still “finding himself” in his 30’s? A man who is comfortable with not only you being the breadwinner, but you making ALL the important decisions in your lives and partnership?Things go exactly as we expect them to…because that’s exactly what we set ourselves up to expect.