Taking it slow while dating

Encourage Group Dates Alone time is crucial, but your friends’ opinions are important too.Organizing group activities with your friends and his can be a great way for you to blend your lives in a natural way while providing an opportunity for you to observe how the two of you interact as a couple.Sure, with time you’ll give your partner a greater portion of your schedule, but in the early stages, make sure you continue to nurture your friendships and keep the commitments you’ve already made.

Something that needs to be “explained away” will likely come back to haunt you should the relationship continue.

Keep in mind, however, that some seemingly negative qualities are situational and may be irrelevant over time (such as being unemployed); but inherent personality traits are almost always unchangeable.

Keep yourself busy with other hobbies and interests.

Make it a point to spend time with friends and to enjoy the time you have by yourself. Having an active life will provide plenty of conversation material when you do have your dates. Taking the time to determine if the two of you have similar goals for the future can go a long way toward helping you decide if you will be a good match in the long term, according to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.

We all know that exhilarating, butterflies in the stomach, heart-pounding feeling of beginning a new relationship with the fun-loving, good-looking person who shares your interests (one of which is YOU! But, since we live in a fast-paced world, and because that feeling is something akin to smoking crack, we can often rush into a relationship simply because it’s providing us with the connection we crave!

That said, it’s critical that you stop, breathe and take a “40-foot view” of your relationship so you don’t overlook some very important factors that could eventually lead to heartbreak. Here at Dating with Dignity, we recommend taking a relationship slowly in order to closely consider to whom you’re giving your valuable time and attention.

Stop yourself from making contact every time the desire strikes.

Rather than connecting multiple times a day, ignore some of those impulses and instead just enjoy having a crush, suggests Lynn Harris, relationship expert and author of “He Loved Me, He Loves Me Not." If you feel the desire to call but have already spoken that day, call a friend instead until the desire passes. When you are caught up in a whirlwind romance, the idea of cohabitation can just seem natural.

Ask questions about kids, lifestyle and even money management habits. Bringing other people into this relationship can create additional pressure for it to work.

23 Comments

  1. How did you tell people to be less picky diplomatically? I have the same League profile in New York and San Francisco. They ask a lot of questions about exes, whether their ex is on the League. Our grandparents were the first generation to start marrying for love. You’d be surprised how many ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend photos we see. When you live in a small community, everybody knows everybody, and if you’re not compatible with anybody in that community, it is a challenge. There was a girl from Ohio State, and she was into horses. It began to occur to me that it’s not recklessness, it’s caution. We’ve extended the period of getting to know someone. If there’s this long period of pre-commitment, you can get rid of relationships you don’t want before you marry. What’s something compelling you learned from last year’s survey? These days you get to know somebody quite a bit before the first date.

  2. So higher quality pictures are what you should be aiming for.

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