It's "insufficient, superficial and polarizing when boys simply get cast as aggressors and girls as victims," she said.
In her view, girls can certainly suffer negative consequences from the hookup culture. "It's such a bad part of our culture to think that boys aren't also harmed," she says.
Steven Rhoads, a professor who teaches a class on sex differences at the University of Virginia, said he analyzed decades worth of research on sexuality and biology for his book "Taking Sex Differences Seriously" to conclude that men and women are "hardwired" differently.
Hookups have deeper psychological costs for women, he said, noting that anecdotes from his students back up the research: Female students often tell him they are hurt by casual sex in a way that male students are not.
The cues kids would pick up from a live conversation — facial expressions, gestures — are absent from the arm's-length communications that are now a fixture of growing up.
The fast-paced technology also "deletes the pause" between impulse and action, said Steiner-Adair, who calls texting the "worst possible training ground" for developing mature relationships.
Pop culture helps spur the disconnect between what young men want and how they often act, he argues, citing as an example the show "Two and a Half Men." "The jerk gets all the laugh lines," he said.
"The nice guy always looks like a sap." That theory is debated.
Another boy showed her pornographic notes that two of his friends had secretly sent to a girl from his own Facebook page, including, "Your challenge is to go for weeks without d--ks in all four of your holes." When the boy found out about the prank, he wasn't upset, but amused.
"This is just my friends being idiots, basically," he said.
In one case, a boy sent a naked snapshot of himself to his girlfriend, with a suggestive caption. The girl described the conversation as "a stupid, disgusting exchange," adding that it was "typical for the boys at our school." Still, the girl became intrigued when the boy revealed in a subsequent note that he liked her.