Roughly two years ago, a notable number of the Autostraddle staff and also world at large went through what I now think of as The Summer of Breakups — long-term relationships that everyone had thought would last forever were suddenly turned on their head, including mine. At first it felt like the only other gay single people on earth were 25-year-olds (no offense, 25-year-olds!
— and felt this way for a long time, I can tell you from personal experience it is really not the case.
That everyone else is now in idyllic, perfect and endless relationships or marriages, and you have somehow found yourself the loser in a community game of musical chairs. As someone who left a very long-term relationship — an entire marriage!
Now, a few years down the road, some of it feels very distant (other times it doesn’t, like when my former landlord emailed me this week to find out if he needed to split the security deposit between me and my ex or not. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, especially if you’re 30 , it’s easy to feel like the world moved on without you while you were taken.
It’s fine to just be having fun, and giving yourself a reminder that you’re fun and interesting.
You don’t have to obsess over whether you’re ‘ready for a relationship’ again, at least not for a while; you can just ask yourself whether you’re feeling ready to like, text someone.
— it’s also true that part of dating other people is about moving on from your relationship, not finding a new space to rehash it in. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos.
If you’re finding that your ex or breakup is coming up nonstop, or you can’t stop comparing new people to your ex, maybe it’s time to take a step back! Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.
People are single by choice and/or become single at all ages and all stages of life, for all kinds of reasons.
More than this, one great thing about dating post-divorce and post-30 was finding that not only were other people my age single, but a significant portion of them had also gone through at least one major relationship ending, either a marriage or a relationship they had expected to be in forever.
You Should Make This Decision Based Upon Your Own Heart and Not Your Ex’s Feelings Another helpful tip is to make sure your decision is based on your needs and not the needs of your ex.
While it’s certainly not wrong to try to be considerate of your ex’s feelings, you also do not want your ex to control the way you live your life.
This also goes for impulses of guilt in the other direction — if what you want is a serious girlfriend and 2.5 shelter cats, it’s okay and good to say that, to yourself and others!